Every now and again life is a beach. And by beach I mean bitch.

Yesterday morning, I had an appointment with my cardiologist who manages my dysautonomia (autonomic dysfunction or autonomic nervous disorders). It sucked. Maybe I've been too optimistic or in denial. Either way I was not prepared for what she said. 

"I don't know what to do with you." 

I've heard those words before. This time she meant it. And this time I felt it. 

Me neither. And apparently doing nothing isn't an option (even though I'm half wishing it was). So I'll be going to the Mayo Clinic in the next couple of months. 

Because #yogaeverydamnday // 30 days of yoga camp

So it's totally January and November was so last year but I'm still going to share this blog post.

Newsflash I kinda definitely love yoga. It has been life changing (seriously life changing).

I yoga therapied myself on Black Friday when I couldn't find my size in the yoga leggings that were on sale (true story). I turned 28 in December and was the happy recipient of lots of yoga stuff. Don't freak out too much but remember my imaginary mat I showed up on before? Now I have a real yoga mat. Oh and I have a yoga wheel, blocks, socks and strap. Seriously, who the f*?k am I?!

Anyways, 2018 is a brand new year and #yogaeverydamnday-ish

because #yogaeverydamnday // 30 days of yoga

I did it.

I completed a 30-day yoga challenge.

I showed up on the mat (aka the yoga mat that I do not have) every day for 30 days. I documented it on Instagram because we all know I needed some sort of accountability. Thanks for the social peer pressure and encouragement Instagram friends.

Not to be too dramatic, but it was kind of life changing.

#yogaeverydamnday

Life with a Chronic Illness: fake it til you make it

Let's be real superficial for a hot second or two.

When you feel like a hot-mess, shit-show, freaking basket case of a horrible train wreck, it's a huge plus to look like you've got your shit together. Emphasis on the look like part. Because if I'm being shallow honest, it's easier to fake being/feeling well if I don't have strangers (or my mom) telling me how horrible I look or asking me if I'm okay. 

In the spirit of being transparent, I'm going to get real shallow. Here are my flare up tips to fake it til you make it.

Life with a Chronic Illness: learning to exhale

inhale  A N D  exhale. 

It seems so simple which is the irony. I have been holding my breath the past 3 months and I'm finally noticing I need to exhale. 

Life with a Chronic Illness: against all hope, in hope believe

Two days ago, I shared some thoughts on the post Life with a Chronic Illness: sometimes I don't recognize myself. Blogging or word vomit as I like to call it is one way that I process life. It had been a rough week and my mind was a whirl. When I shared the blog post, I knew that I felt desperate, but I did not know that I also felt hopeless.

This became evident when a friend asked challenged me by asking

"But would you accept a cure?"

and I replied

"I would I just have zero hope there is one."

Life with a Chronic Illness: sometimes I don't recognize myself

Sometimes I don't recognize myself.

Right now is one of those times.

I hate this version of me. I hate that my illness is taking up more space in my life. I hate that it's becoming more difficult to hide, more difficult to ignore, more difficult to function.

Capsule Wardrobe Adventures // 5 reasons I love it

Here is the two week(ish) life update on how the capsule wardrobe adventure is going.

I FREAKING LOVE IT!

Instead of a long-winded explanation of how having a capsule wardrobe is changing my life, I figured I would give you a list. So here are 5 reasons that I'm loving a capsule wardrobe.

Stitch Fix #4 // February 2017

I have a new motto these days.

"Owning less is better than organizing more" 

Um true story. Declutter and get rid of everything is my new past time when I have free time. I can't tell you how exciting it is to get rid of crap. A couple weeks ago, I even got rid of my dresser and most of what was in it. In the spirit of living with less, I requested an all black top fix from Stitch Fix. Ironic right?! Hear me out though. After significantly downsizing my closet, I realized that I was in need of some basic, versatile pieces to add to my new capsule inspired wardrobe. And as much as I wanted to spend a couple days boutique shopping and visiting outlets, this girl has zero free time. 

Capsule Wardrobe Adventures // I got rid of my dresser

Please tell me you have heard of a capsule wardrobe?

One of my biggest pet peeves is getting ready to go somewhere and having nothing to wear. And by nothing to wear I mean my entire closet is on the floor because I hate everything that I have tried on. How does this happen?! I mean I bought everything that's in my closet. How can I hate it?

Drives me crazy.

Who has time to try on outfit after outfit only to figure out you still hate everything in your closet?! And who has time to pick up that huge mess?! And who wants to wear clothes they hate or even just don't really like.

Not me.

Invisible Illnesses Suck

Disclaimer: I'm in the midst of a freaking flareup so this post might definitely will be dripping in sarcasm and hatred for my autonomic nervous system. Glad that's out of the way.

This is how my last week has been. Actually, how a lot of the last two months have been.  

Stitch Fix #3 // February 2016

Who has time to shop these days?! As much as it pains me to admit, this girl has no free time for retail therapy. Life is too crazy at the moment. Aaron and I keep reminding ourselves and each other "It's just for a season." And by season we mean until May 2018 aka graduation. Aaron is still working part-time. I'm doing 2-3 shifts a week at the hospital. All I want to do is play with Ike. Side note: we are planning Ike's 1st birthday party. Don't ask me how my little man is almost ONE!! And school sucks. Sleep is a luxury these days so pardon my blood shot eyes. 

Oh and yes, I also start clinicals in a few weeks. I'm actually super excited about clinicals minus the fact that I have to dress business causal. What even is that?! This girl lives in yoga pants or jeans or scrubs so yeah.... 

Julia has styled my last 2 fixes (Stitch Fix #1 & Stitch Fix #2) and is starting to nail my style!

Hansen Christmas Letter // 2015

I'm very convinced that having a little one makes all of life, especially the holidays, extra sweet and fun. This year we got our tree extra early, decorated the house a little more than normal, actually bought presents early enough to have them wrapped under the tree, walked around downtown and looked at Christmas lights, visited Santa's reindeer, listened to Christmas music (thanks Mollie for sharing your best Christmas Secrets... we love the Dave Barnes Pandora station) and let Ike open up presents throughout December!

Stitch Fix #2 // December 2015

December is crazy because of Christmas (duh) and the many birthdays that our family has. It can get to be present/shopping overload. Anywho I typically pick out all my presents and sometimes will even buy or order them and wrap them. I know it's weird but I always have and probably always will do this! Stitch Fix is perfect because I get some control (scheduling a fix) but there's still an element of surprise (what I'm sent). Anywho, Stitch Fix #2 arrived on my birthday and again I'm a huge fan!! 

Dear Body, I hate you but thank you...

I'm going to take a wild guess that most of you have never heard of dysautonomia or autonomic nervous disorders. I'll even venture to say most of you may not even know what your autonomic nervous system is or does. It's only mildly important as in it controls/regulates one's heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature, breathing yadda yadda yadda. Don't feel too bad though. I had never heard of it prior to being diagnosed with two forms of dysautonomia (neurocardiogenic syncope & inappropriate sinus tachycardia). If you're wanting more information on dysautonomia you can read this past blog post what the *bleep* is dysautonomia

Anywho October is Dysautonomia Awareness month, which has forced me to do some reflection. Living with dysautonomia the past two year has been a bit of a whirlwind. I have had to learn (the hard way cause I'm stubborn) that there is no black and white with autonomic disorders. It's all grey.

grateful for the (sweet) inconveniences

In the past 207 days I have learned that babies are rather inconvenient. They do what they want, when they want and how they want. And they really don't care what your plans are for the day or night. Nope they are the bosses. It's rude. Okay and while we are being honest, I also want to point out that babies are extremely codependent, as in you do every little thing for them. All the way from feeding them to cleaning poop off their cute little baby butts to making sure they don't find and eat tape (although sometimes that does happen and it's not the end of the world). It's hard work being a baby. 

I'm six months plus a couple days into being Ike's mama and it's been a learning experience. You think (or at least I did) that you have a small idea about what being a parent will be like but you seriously have no clue until you have those cute baby eyes staring at you!! I should probably interject that I absolutely love love love being a mom (don't let the paragraph above fool you). I'm still adjusting and learning how to be a somewhat sane person/mom. Is that even possible?! 

Stitch Fix #1 // September 2015

A couple evenings ago, I was unpacking all of Ike's fall/next size up clothes and I was thinking that being a baby is practically the best thing ever because you get a new wardrobe every couple of months. I was pretty jealous.

Unless you've been living under a rock, you probably have heard about Stitch Fix I created an account awhile back but never got around to actually scheduling a fix. I had a lot of doubts but on the slight chance it did work I knew I would love it! I've been wanting some new clothes after having Ike and who has time to shop these days?! Yes it does pain me to say that!! This is the girl who practically spent most of her senior year of high school at the mall. Those were the days! Anywho I finally scheduled a fix (and that makes me feel like a shopping addict... but I guess I am having someone shop for me) and it arrived Wednesday. 

Ike Ross // Newborn Pictures

Well I'm the mom of a 4 month old and that's kind of weird. I know it's cliche but time does fly and yes it does seem like yesterday that he was born. 

I had my first "my-baby-isn't-a-baby-anymore" panic moment recently and that sucked.

Why do babies think they can grow up and become independent and not stay little forever?! It's quite rude actually. So anywho I'm going to sit here and sulk and stare at these newborn pictures. Get ready for extra kisses and snuggles tomorrow mister cause this mama is feeling sentimental! 

Mama Rants: Breastfeeding

I have been a mama for all of 39 days so that basically makes me an expert (sarcasm). And if you know me you are well aware of the fact that I never ever have an opinion about anything (sarcasm). You will also be aware that I never am sarcastic (sarcasm). Please tell me you are reading between the lines or rather the parentheses in this case. Also see my disclaimer at the bottom. Now let's get to it. 

Breastfeeding.

I had no clue what I was doing. Was I magically suppose to know how to breastfeed since I had just given birth?! When the nurse asked me if I had tried to nurse Ike yet I just gave her a terrified blank look. Which is probably why she grabbed my boob and Ike's head and smashed them together. Good thing Ike knew what he was doing.

Ike Ross // Birth Story

Ike Ross | 3.26.15 | 6:31pm | 7lbs 7oz | 20 3/4 inches

It's been twenty-eight (amazing and somewhat sleepless) days. Being pregnant seems like a distant memory and Aaron and I seriously cannot imagine life with our little man. Every day rather moment we fall more in love with Ike as the three of us are learning more and more about each other. We've discovered that he loves baths, a certain zebra toy, snuggles, and smiling. I can already say that being a mom is a blast and a huge blessing all at once. I'm a huge fan.

Something you should know about me is that I am a planner. I like to have all the details worked out and I like to be in control. There's nothing wrong with that right?! Unfortunately or rather fortunately depending on how you look at it how I gave birth was out of my control. I have two autonomic disorders that cause an array of random symptoms and a congenital heart defect. This meant my birth plan was extremely simple. Like stupid simple.