I've never been a fan of New Year's resolutions. to me it's just a lovely reminder of everything I SHOULD be doing but am NOT doing and probably WON'T consistently do in the upcoming year. Happy New Years. by the way you suck. too much negativity.

but I do like goals and lists. a lot. and i currently like hash tags. 

So instead of concentrating on doing I want to focus my time, energy, and motivation on being. 

Hansen Cheesing 2013

i'm bursting with excitement.  

back in November we spent a lovely Saturday afternoon in downtown Omaha with one of my best friends Genai Patterson {she says she's not a photographer but I beg to differ} and three lovely assistants {my parents and Genai's little 7 month old Reitz} It was a blast goofing around a lot, taking 300+ pictures, and  then getting some delicious ice cream from Ted & Wally's.    

and here are the highlights.   

tis the season | merry christmas

apparently i love Christmas cards. i just discovered this fact about myself oh maybe 6 weeks ago when i started planning our {very first} Christmas card. we had pictures taken by Genai {click here to view} and i spent an entire Sunday afternoon creating the letter. Aaron informed me that I could download fonts {say what?! hello hours of looking at fonts} and i totally realized why people only send out {at the very most} one holiday update a year. i would cry if the norm was to do one of these with every holiday. 

adjustments & adjusting

I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.

- Maya Angelou

silly me. i keep thinking that i've got it all figured out and can move on to the next thing. i don't even really know what "it" is. i mean it can't be life cause that would be totally hilarious and ridiculous if i really thought i had life figured out right?! 

anywho. I've become a chiropractor junkie. in my previous life i was always very skeptical of them. seemed like a scam. i imagined that they were all creepy, greasy old men who wanted your money as well as to do weird things to your spinal cord. i also imagined that you would puke every time you got adjusted. and there was a good possibility they might break your neck and you would be paralyzed for life. i'm quite the rational person.   

ready to be a nurse again

this girl is finally going to put some scrubs on and be a cardiac nurse. i found out last week that i got a position on my old floor. i'm stoked to be back with some fabulous coworkers and taking care of people. cardiac patients are the best. most of the time anyways. 

*insert crazy happy dance dancing* 

in other news it's been SIX months since surgery (if you didn't know I had open heart surgery at the Mayo Clinic to fix a congenital heart defect in May) and its been full of ups & downs BUT i will say that I loved my time at Mayo.

{re} focus | {re} adjust

a lot of little things have happened since my last post the new (ab)normal  

Aaron and I moved back to Nebraska. Omaha won the low altitude competition {1,090 ft vs 6,035ft}. we are currently living with my parents while we regroup which means lots of snuggle time with Jack. I have taught him how to eat food off of utensils & drink iced coffee from a cup. he's a genius. I am going to a chiropractor three times a week to help my dysfunctional autonomic system function at it's full dysfunctional capacity.

the new (ab)normal

August has been weird. 

six doctor appointments. a 48 hour holter monitor. a tilt table test. being told i'm stressed. over a week stuck in bed. ridiculous amounts of salt and water. too many medication changes. and the most amazing combinations of horrid symptoms. 

talking about the taboo | part three | a discussion about miscarriage

  | life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forwards |

i don't really care for statistics about miscarriage except they do illuminate how frequent miscarriages occur. numbers are revealing. more women walk around with this secret that we know. 

talking about the taboo | part two | a discussion about miscarriage

| it's not forgetting that heals it's remembering |

the months after we lost our baby i wanted to simply forget. i thought that by forgetting maybe i could erase the hurt. i thought that forgetting would be easier. it was harder. 


remembering is getting easier. i still vacillate between bitterness & sadness when i think about miscarrying and joy & love when i think about those few weeks i was pregnant. revisiting and remembering initiated healing. and led to wanting to acknowledge and remember the precious life i love and miss.

talking about the taboo | part one | a discussion about miscarriage

| love always leaves a significant mark |

we [as a society] do not talk about it. we ignore it. pretend it didn't happen. but it does happen. and it did happen to us last year. 

miscarriage. why is it so taboo to talk about miscarriage?

Da Pacem.

click here to go to his bandcamp website

last October Aaron was signed by Symmetrical Records and he began working on putting together an album to release. He chose the alias/name Da Pacem [latin for give peace] 

"act your wage"

"live like no one else now, so later you can live like no else"

- Dave Ramsey 

it's saturday afternoon and Aaron is working on music stuff... and I am looking at our finances. actually i thought it was going to be a lot worse than it is. i've been on family medical leave since april and we just relocated to a different state. not exactly the best circumstances but i shouldn't have worried.  

so far in 2013 we have paid off $7,200 of debt/school loans. 

grey huuurrr attempt

believe it or not... not working for several months sucks... it's really boring. 

soooooooo why not try to destroy I mean color my hair

my attempt to go grey 

Windmill #28

the hansens in Colorado Springs

it's so crazy to have already been in our new state and home for a whole WEEK! Aaron and I absolutely love it here. it almost feels like we are on vacation except we don't have to go home... we are home! :)

ha.haha.hahaha.

today has been six weeks since I had open heart surgery and it really has been quite the adventure. no more lifting restrictions or riding in the back seat of the car or sleeping upright. surgery gave me my life back. of course it wasn't all fun & games but it was pretty close to it. I blame all the prayers and laughs along with an amazing cheer section... open heart surgery was fun, peaceful, exciting, a learning experience, and really just great!

a little (un)healthy competition

all my friends and family know I'm slightly competitive as in totally and completely stupidly competitive. anything can be turned into a competition... like recovering from open heart surgery.

so this lady was my roommate in ICU. we'll just call her roomie...  this is the documentation of our strange interactions and how I totally got my butt kicked.

it's been real. peace out #308

Aaron and I said good-bye to our Omaha apartment last night [after 6 hours of cleaning barf]... #308 at the Green Lodge. We loved our first little home and will miss it a lot!

hard to swallow

news alert pills are hard to swallow... 

literally and figuratively!

I'm not the best pill taker. My mom use to have me practice with Skittles or M&Ms cause my younger siblings were swallowing pills and I was still taking the liquid - we won't mention how old I was :) anyways figuratively speaking... 

How many time have I talked with patients about the importance of medication compliance and yet I (a nurse I might add) really struggled with having to take all of these new medications! It was a mental battle for me. What was the deal?! 

pan·ic (noun)

1. Sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

I started having lots of anxiety and panic attacks shortly after everything started. These emotions were entirely new and I hated that I couldn't control them. All of the sudden it was like I couldn't think or breathe... I felt like I was going to die... nothing helped...  I couldn't function... it was absolutely crippling. I felt like I was crazy. I stopped driving, I didn't want to be left alone, and I hated being around people I didn't know. I felt trapped. Sometimes it lasted for a couple minutes but other times it would last over an hour. It sucked!

What really made me feel crazy was having to take medication for the anxiety and panic attacks BUT it gave me my life back. I could function and think. I'm so thankful for coworkers, family, and friends who were supportive. Xanax (anti-anxiety) didn't work so I tried Ativan (anti-anxiety) before switching to Lexapro (anti-depressant). 

As a nurse, I understood what each medication did and why it was important that I take it. I still complained just about every time I took pills. We tried to make it fun... I had Katy Perry songs as the alarms for when to take them and stored them in a zebra print box. Still hated it but I took them with an unhappy heart :) And it wasn't just the "crazy" pills but it was the baby aspirin and the iron supplement and the pain pills and the stool softeners. 

Now I get it... and now I know. I used to be shocked when patients would just stop taking their medications or take them differently than prescribed... not any more. If I didn't feel that pressure to not be a hypocrite I probably would do the same. I still don't quite understand WHY it's so hard to "swallow" pills I just know it was for me. Any thoughts?!

So here is to transparency and destroying assumptions about medications. I have had a great team of providers who have worked with me on treating my health issues. I am sooooo excited to see the number of pills I have to take diminishing :) :) 

Cheers to some (not so) delicious Milk of Magnesia 

Dear future Nurse Practitioner LeeAnn don't forget....

to explain medications to the patient including side effects, what the medication does, and why the patient needs to specifically take it. Also include the time frame the patient will need to be on the med. 

do NOT assume why a patient is taking a med... ask them

to discuss med compliance with patients & acknowledge that taking medications sucks especially a lot of them... of course in a more professional manner :)

a few fabulous extraordinary remarkable individuals

"not all of us can do great things. but we can do small things with great love"

a shout out to all health care providers ~ the work you do matters! I know all too well how frustrating and chaotic a shift can be or how few the thank you's are. But please know that you truly are blessings to your patients. You make a difference. 

cardiac nurse to cardiac patient

I've been a cardiac nurse for two years, worked on a cardiac floor for four years, and am specializing in cardiology for graduate school. I absolutely loooove the human heart - I think it's fascinating! 

handing in my scrubs for a hospital gown was really ironic