Preggos here is feeling really pregnant as in 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant. And by really pregnant I actually mean really fat, really tired, really cranky, and really really ready to not be pregnant.

Ike's due date is the day after tomorrow. His eviction date is a week from tomorrow (hallelujah the end is near one way or another). And I am beyond ready. Hospital bags are packed. My nails are painted and my legs are shaved (top priorities). I worked on my tan last week. Nursery is done. The house is currently clean. Car seat is installed. Freezer meals are prepped. Baby announcement envelopes are even addressed. It's time to get this whole labor and delivery thing going. Side note I've never been so excited to push something out of me or have something cut out of me in my life. 

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amen GET THIS BABY OUT!!! But since that's not happening at the present moment this preggo mama needs a good laugh... so I give you 

Sh*t This Preggo Has Said 

"we are adopting the rest of our kids" 
may or may not have said this numerous times but in my defense 17 weeks of constant nausea sucks big time.

"it's a good pregnancy day when you only pee yourself three times"

the second you get pregnant buy stock or invest in pads or adult diapers or a foley catheter.

"you know this is your fault"
some days you just need to blame someone aka the husband. this is also very effective when you want the husband to do something.

"I don't think I can get any bigger"
I first said this at 20ish weeks. oh how naive I was.

"yup definitely just peed my pants"
fyi Target really needs a bathroom in the back of their store cause sometimes as in all the time your bladder is full and then your sister says something funny and you laugh and the rest is history.

"I feel like there's a bowling ball trying to come out of me.... and I feel like someone gave the baby knives and he's practicing juggling them" 
pelvic pressure made me hate everything.

"Aaron push me... I'm stuck"
gone are the days of being able to do anything easily. things like rolling over in bed, getting out of bed, standing up, getting out of the car, basically moving etc.

"my boobs are leaking"
nope that's perfectly normal. you're just lactating while pregnant.

"I feel like a crippled, swollen, obese, diabetic hippo" 
welcome to the last month of pregnancy.

"I'm going to YouTube how to strip my own membranes"

desperate times call for desperate threats.

"Will you shoot me with an elephant tranquilizer and wake me up when Ike's here?"

simple request. not sure why no one will grant it.

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Growing a human being is an amazing miracle but it definitely turns you into a pyscho sometimes. It's been real and it's been fun but I'm definitely ready to enter the next adventure of motherhood. And in case I have not been perfectly clear

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little man // nursery reveal

One of my favorite parts of being pregnant has been decorating the little man's nursery. It seriously is my favorite room in the house. In fact I'm hanging out in it right now. anywho here is the big reveal. no thanks to Pinterest for making me think I could do any DIY project and for always adding more and more to the to-do list. At 38 weeks plus a couple days we can finally say the room is ready. Now we just need the little man to make his grand entrance. 

what the *bleep* is dysautonomia | part one

oh I've thought it many many times since being diagnosed with dysautonomia which was over a year ago. after countless doctors appointments, lots of research, and talking with other individuals who have dysautonomia, I (sorta kinda maybe) have a grasp on it. anywho here goes nothing.

Living Not Fighting with Dysautonomia

I stumbled across this amazingly sarcastic and hilarious blog LetsFeelBetter last week and one of her recent blog posts really resonated with me. I would encourage you to check it out if you have a chronic illness or know someone who has one. The blog post is called Five Ways You're Not "Living" with Chronic Illness Here's a little peek of what lead to another ah-ha moment for me.   

4. You’re Not Living with Chronic Illness if You’re “Fighting” It

Chronic Illness is not cancer. You don’t “fight” it. You don’t “beat” it. You don’t make a voodoo doll out of it and start stabbing it with acupuncture needles. In the same way we don’t use the word “cure” to mean “treat’ we can’t use the word “fight” to mean “deal with.” Don’t head-butt your disease, outsmart it.

shopping with Nans

I've always loved shopping. like a lot. probably too much actually. my senior year of high school I went to the mall every single week and I pretty much always came home with at least one bag. in college I went on a shopping fast for an entire summer. of course bills and being an "adult" have helped my shopping compulsion to calm down. but I still love a shopping adventure. 

I also want to introduce you all to a lovely friend. Nans is a bit psychotic and unpredictable and very needy. oh and I can't ever get away from her. Sounds like a great friend right?! yes I am talking about my autonomic disorder. Nans is the short and sweet nickname for my (naughty) autonomic nervous system. 

in the pursuit of happiness & health

"I'm so sick of trying things..." 

and I meant it. I was frustrated and defeated. I was ready to wave the white flag. it didn't really seem to matter if I did everything that anyone and everyone suggested - I could barely function most days. I was faking feeling good most of the time so that I could have a life. and so I sent that text to my mom. 

that particular night I was mad because if it wasn't one symptom it was another. I had traded constant dizziness for constant nausea. that day I had been so excited the nausea eased up enough for me to eat dinner. chicken, a baked potato, and corn on the cob to be exact. except then I started having horrible chest pain. before you start freaking out (the words "chest pain" make anyone freak - trust me I'm a cardiac nurse) let me assure you I've been having chest pain for over a year. it's not real chest pain in the sense that I don't have any blockages in my coronary arteries but goodness gracious fake chest pain hurts. that night i was wondering how did my normal include nausea and chest pain?! 

diy + how to sew an envelope pillow cover in minutes

obsessed is an understatement when it comes to pillow covers. but in my defense you can never have too many pillows (fact), they are so dang cute (fact), making pillow covers is ridiculously easy (fact), and I just can't stop (fact). our bed already has 9 pillows and i may or may not have bought - yesterday actually - some more fabric and a pillow to add to the collection. 

i've warned you so only continue reading if you also want to become obsessed with sewing pillow covers and decorating every room in your house with pillows. once you start there's no going back.