in the pursuit of happiness & health

Sunday, June 1, 2014

"I'm so sick of trying things..." 

and I meant it. I was frustrated and defeated. I was ready to wave the white flag. it didn't really seem to matter if I did everything that anyone and everyone suggested - I could barely function most days. I was faking feeling good most of the time so that I could have a life. and so I sent that text to my mom. 

that particular night I was mad because if it wasn't one symptom it was another. I had traded constant dizziness for constant nausea. that day I had been so excited the nausea eased up enough for me to eat dinner. chicken, a baked potato, and corn on the cob to be exact. except then I started having horrible chest pain. before you start freaking out (the words "chest pain" make anyone freak - trust me I'm a cardiac nurse) let me assure you I've been having chest pain for over a year. it's not real chest pain in the sense that I don't have any blockages in my coronary arteries but goodness gracious fake chest pain hurts. that night i was wondering how did my normal include nausea and chest pain?! 

I'm glad my mom ignored my pity party. my mom is great at acknowledging my feelings/frustrations but not contributing to them. instead she asked me what I ate for dinner. about 10 minutes later I decided to try something she had suggested - icing my chest - and it helped. celebrate the small victories. now i even have a sweet old fashioned ice pack (thanks mom) that goes almost everywhere with me.  

in the pursuit of happiness and health 

pity parties are dumb. they don't contribute to happiness and they sure don't help me attain better health. I use to hate my to-do/suggestion list mostly because it looks like this... 

To-Do List for Living with Dysautonomia

it can be overwhelming. especially when I want to add in any extracurricular activities. hanging out with friends. watching the nephew. having a Pinterest day. working. but life doesn't stop.  thank goodness for ah-ha moments. this list is not my enemy and I need to stop treating it like one. this list is a chance. definitely not a guarantee but a chance. a possibility. an opportunity. 

so I'm embracing this list. I'm going to try to be open to adding more to it. I'm going to attack it each day and see what I can cross off. but at the same time I don't want to fixate on it. like I said this list is not a guarantee. rather it is a tool. happiness won't be found through that list. I can do everything on it and still have a bad health day. I'm seeking a balance. I'm thankful for my crazy life. 

today is the 2nd day in a row that I walked on our treadmill. I vacuumed the downstairs. I drank a protein shake. all small victories. and now I'm resting before I get to hang with my nephew this evening. I'm blessed. 

here's to the pursuit of happiness and health. here's to enjoying the journey and not caring about a certain outcome. here's to moving forward and celebrating life. 

Life's a bitch you've got to go out and kick ass - Maya Angelou


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