Every now and again life is a beach. And by beach I mean bitch.

Yesterday morning, I had an appointment with my cardiologist who manages my dysautonomia (autonomic dysfunction or autonomic nervous disorders). It sucked. Maybe I've been too optimistic or in denial. Either way I was not prepared for what she said. 

"I don't know what to do with you." 

I've heard those words before. This time she meant it. And this time I felt it. 

Me neither. And apparently doing nothing isn't an option (even though I'm half wishing it was). So I'll be going to the Mayo Clinic in the next couple of months. 

Because #yogaeverydamnday // 30 days of yoga camp

So it's totally January and November was so last year but I'm still going to share this blog post.

Newsflash I kinda definitely love yoga. It has been life changing (seriously life changing).

I yoga therapied myself on Black Friday when I couldn't find my size in the yoga leggings that were on sale (true story). I turned 28 in December and was the happy recipient of lots of yoga stuff. Don't freak out too much but remember my imaginary mat I showed up on before? Now I have a real yoga mat. Oh and I have a yoga wheel, blocks, socks and strap. Seriously, who the f*?k am I?!

Anyways, 2018 is a brand new year and #yogaeverydamnday-ish

because #yogaeverydamnday // 30 days of yoga

I did it.

I completed a 30-day yoga challenge.

I showed up on the mat (aka the yoga mat that I do not have) every day for 30 days. I documented it on Instagram because we all know I needed some sort of accountability. Thanks for the social peer pressure and encouragement Instagram friends.

Not to be too dramatic, but it was kind of life changing.

#yogaeverydamnday

Life with a Chronic Illness: fake it til you make it

Let's be real superficial for a hot second or two.

When you feel like a hot-mess, shit-show, freaking basket case of a horrible train wreck, it's a huge plus to look like you've got your shit together. Emphasis on the look like part. Because if I'm being shallow honest, it's easier to fake being/feeling well if I don't have strangers (or my mom) telling me how horrible I look or asking me if I'm okay. 

In the spirit of being transparent, I'm going to get real shallow. Here are my flare up tips to fake it til you make it.

Life with a Chronic Illness: learning to exhale

inhale  A N D  exhale. 

It seems so simple which is the irony. I have been holding my breath the past 3 months and I'm finally noticing I need to exhale. 

Life with a Chronic Illness: against all hope, in hope believe

Two days ago, I shared some thoughts on the post Life with a Chronic Illness: sometimes I don't recognize myself. Blogging or word vomit as I like to call it is one way that I process life. It had been a rough week and my mind was a whirl. When I shared the blog post, I knew that I felt desperate, but I did not know that I also felt hopeless.

This became evident when a friend asked challenged me by asking

"But would you accept a cure?"

and I replied

"I would I just have zero hope there is one."

Life with a Chronic Illness: sometimes I don't recognize myself

Sometimes I don't recognize myself.

Right now is one of those times.

I hate this version of me. I hate that my illness is taking up more space in my life. I hate that it's becoming more difficult to hide, more difficult to ignore, more difficult to function.